Today is the day. I went to bed thinking that last night. I woke in the middle of the night thinking that. I started my day thinking that. And now here it is, I’m living in the day that is today. The day that I decided to start anew. The day I declared would be a fresh start. The day I declared would be the first day of a full-time writing career. Today is the day, I decided, I would stop thinking this is just a hobby, and give it my all. It is funny how a thought and a plan, a mindset, determination, full steam ahead, can be so hard. I picked the time frame for work, I cleaned up the area, I removed any distractions (mostly mess and clutter), I woke on time to have my morning time with the Lord, I cleaned up around the kitchen, I got the boys off to school, I took the pup for a walk. But that pup, whining at my chair, whining at the cat, whining to go outside. So here I sit and here I type. Not the things I had planned. But still words none the less as I watch the timer until I let that barking pup back in the house. Because I’m trying hard to start a new habit, a new routine, despite distractions. Many things in my mind have kept me from pursuing my dream of being a writer over the years. This morning I wrote them all down on paper. It was never about the kids being home or not having the time. It was fear. It was laziness. It was lack of drive and motivation. It was in my head, that I couldn’t stop and start and stop and start. I’ve done projects over the years. I wrote a book with my sister, I wrote a book of my poetry, I have had short stories and poems published in several publications. But the time in between, I didn’t use. The ideas and creativity sat in my brain as I chose otherwise. But today, I’m choosing the ideas in my brain, and I’ve asked God to use them for his kingdom and for his glory, not my own. I’m in a start and stop right now, with that pup, and I have a choice, give up and start again tomorrow, or give her what she needs and go back to work. I’m choosing the latter today. I think the latter is harder. I’m not one to choose the harder way. But today is the day.
January 24, 2022 at 3:25 pm
Well, its’ about time.