If I look at my days in terms of song lyrics-the past few days were Bruno Mars for sure… ”Today I don’t feel like doing anything. I just want to lay in my bed. Don’t feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone cause today I don’t feel like doing anything-Nothing at all!”
Today is more of a Lamb-chops, ”This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends…” or ”The Never-ending story.” Or this little gem, one of my faves that I’ll probably never hear the same again, ”Back at One” by Brian McKnight. Back at One because that is where we are at after child numero uno tested positive for Covid. Do you remember this one?
That we should be together
It’s unbelievable how I used to say that I’d fall never
The basis is need to know, if you don’t know just how I feel
Then let me show you now that I’m for real
If all things in time, time will reveal
One, you’re like a dream come true
Two, just wanna be with you
Three, girl, it’s plain to see
That you’re the only one for me, and
Four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I start back at one
It’s so incredible the way things work themselves out
And all emotional, once you know what it’s all about, babe
And undesirable for us to be apart
Never would’ve made it very far
‘Cause you know you’ve got the keys to my heart
Today when I hear these lyrics-it’s like Covid is singing the chorus to my household.
1- You’re like a dream come true.
2-Just want to be with you.
3- It is plain to see that you’re the only one for me
4- Repeat steps one through three.
5- Make you fall in love with me.
If ever I believe my work is done, then I’ll start back at one.
Now that I’m done serenading you, I must admit. Today was a hard day… On autopilot I got the groceries and went to 4 parent teacher conferences. By the time all was said and done and I finally got home to unpack the groceries-I bundled up again to get my pup out for a long walk. As April and I walked along the beach I couldn’t help but notice how the wild water seemed like a metaphor for my life today. Rough seas churning up waves crashing into the rocks on the shore was the perfect picture of how I was feeling inside…
I remember when my kids were little and one would get the stomach bug-oh the stomach bug-nothing in the world could put more fear in me than needing to clean up vomit. There was a time when they were probably 1, 3, and 5 and we had one bathroom and we all got the bug. I would pull one of their heads out of the toilet and push another’s down. There were other times over the years when one got the bug and I would learn to isolate one away from the others or even tell Kenny to stay at work and save himself. That stomach bug was the worst-but it never lasted more than 48 hours. It was contagious as anything and sure those 48 hours seemed endless-but perspective now tells me that I would trade those days and go back to cleaning up puke in a heartbeat.
And tonight as the melancholy sat heavy on my soul, I pulled Kenny’s F150 over to the side of the road, wiped my tears away, thanked God that although we have sickness in our home-we are not stricken with sickness, and I prayed-just for strength. Then I continued on my way to get us a Christmas tree-2 Christmas trees. One for upstairs and one for downstairs where Kenny is no longer alone.
Some people think that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. I don’t see it that way. I think life can be messy, we get a lot of curveballs thrown at us. It is also beautiful. And whether it is messy or beautiful or a beautiful mess-God gives us what we need for each trial. In all of this mess, I am reminded that he never promised us an easy life. John 16:33 says, ”In this life you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
So while today was kind of sucktastic and our current situation is not ideal, I know that I can hold on to the God of all creation to give me strength and to fill my overwhelmed soul with peace.