Today I ran. I didn’t run from my struggles. I didn’t run away from home. Today I simply ran.
After taking a week and a half off post Covid vaccine and yucky side effects-I had been itching to get back out there. Week 5 of my couch to 5k app was waiting for me and I didn’t want to lose all the progress I had made. I didn’t want to take this much time off but the fatigue has been high, the arm has been sore, and I’ve just been feeling off. But today I ran.
I started running about 6 weeks ago in my quest to be a healthier version of me. Running always brings me back. Running brings me back to my 27 year old self. The younger me. The little girl who had two babies under two and just lost her mother. 6 weeks post partum , About 4 weeks post burying my mom. I ran. Kenny would get home every night from his 9-5, I would have shoes laced up and be out the door. I ran. I ran from my feelings. I ran from my emotions. I ran from the craziness of the last 6 weeks. I ran. Every night I would run and I would praise. I praised God for my arms that held babies, for my hands that could care for my family, for my legs and feet that carried me throughout the day, for my lungs, for my heart, for every cell in my body that was healthy, for my life. And then every night, post run, I would get in my car and I would put on my music and I would cry.
I remember those runs like they were yesterday, and I think about them every time I run. But times have changed, I have changed, and I’m no longer that little girl running from the pain. Today I run and I run towards a goal. A goal of a healthier me. I run and I sweat and I’ve grown to love the sweat and I wear it like a badge. To me it’s a badge that says I did it! Instead of feeling sticky and gross I am proud of my badge. I finish each run with a sense of accomplishment and that feels amazing.