Happy Sunday! I hope everyone had a fantastic day. I’m not going to try to sugarcoat anything tonight, cause maybe someone needs to hear it. Today was rough. I felt really down and tired today. I felt anxious. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I felt confined and restricted. On any given day, a day at home is a dream come true for me. But today, today felt BLAH!
Kenny came home today after being gone for 72 hours. Going to visit him at the station is not an option anymore, or at least for now, so we haven’t seen him since Thursday. I kind of feel like, I rallied all week and felt really good, and now, today, since he was home, I was able to crash. And crash I did. We did church at home, (a sincere thank you to all the Pastors and staff at South Shore Baptist Church for delivering God’s word every Sunday), we caught up on Lego Masters, I made some good meals, and Christopher and I binge watched a show all afternoon. Kenny and I walked a couple of laps around the block while Logan scootered and Evan walked and after dinner, Christopher had youth group on zoom(another thanks and praise to South Shore Baptist Church and everyone in the youth ministry!). We had a full day, no doubt, but I just did not feel ok, and I had to stop and push away the busy and allow myself to just not be ok. I realize some days are like that regardless and now is the time to be gentle with our souls. It is ok to not be ok somedays, but it is not ok to set up shop and stay there. I could have reached out to a friend today, but instead, I looked at the man I’ve been missing for the past three days and laid it out for him and he got it, cause he feels it too. And I am 100% positive that we are not the only ones. I know that I am not alone in this because we are all going through this together. There is no one to turn to and ask, how did you make it through? Day by day, we will navigate these strange waters. Day by day, we will put one foot in front of the other and do our best. Some days we will laugh. Some days we will cry. Some days we will just feel blah. For me, after only a week, I know that the anxiety sneaks in when I try to wrap my brain around all of this and try to make sense out of it. I physically cannot make sense of it. No one can. Those are the moments I just need to say, I trust you God.
Leave a Reply