Dear Fire Wives,

Sometimes the mental load is overwhelming. We know the drill, we have been here time and again with long shifts due to overtime or holds. Sometimes we handle it like superwoman and sometimes we melt a little. Sometimes we are melting on the inside while we are being strong on the outside. Let’s face it, life goes on while shifts are long whether we work outside the home or spend our days caring for our families and homes 24/7. I’ve often found a sweet spot during those long shifts, like making lemonade out of the lemons we are given, but even that has taken practice and time, it hasn’t always been the case. When I was a new fire wife, the long shifts really got to me and often times I’d take it personally as if my guy would prefer to be at the station instead of at home with me and the boys. As the years have matured me, I can see that was never the case then and it’s not the case now, but it is the nature of the job. On the bright side, I sometimes look at those long shifts and think, ok what are the positives here for me? I get the clicker to myself tonight and I’ll make a fun and easy dinner. Ok what else can I do to fill that time? Maybe I’ll see a friend, take the dog for an extra-long walk, go to the gym, read a book, have a movie night with the boys, have extra time to write… I’ve learned over the years to find the positives, but there are some days that are overwhelming and exhausting. Yesterday was one of those days as I stared down the last shift in the 72. This week has been full of making appointments, going to appointments, running errands, working, housework, emails, balancing the budget, meetings, senior year things, etc. Truth is as I look at my to do lists (because if you know me you know I’m one of those people) for the week, I didn’t even overload them because I knew how busy I was on a day to day basis so I was really very gentle with myself and I felt like a BOSS when I was crossing every item off my list. But the mental load really got to me and sometimes it does that, even when I think I am prepared and I think it’s all good, sometimes doing it all alone for days on end can be mentally draining, overwhelming, exhausting… As I drove for another pick up last night, I thought about what would make me happy and my brain went to what other people could do that would make me happy. I caught myself and I prayed. My happiness cannot be the direct result of other people because people aren’t perfect. My happiness has to be a choice. I said, “Lord, help me to fix my eyes on you because you alone are perfect. Help me to not have unfair expectations of other people/scenarios/circumstances to make me happy. Help me Jesus to rest and trust in you alone.”

When the mental load is overwhelming and feels like it’s more than I can bare, I have to remember that I don’t bare it alone. I have a Father in Heaven who will carry it for me, I need only hand it over. I’m a big advocate for self-care and the more I felt myself wilting due to the heaviness of it all, the more I knew I needed to care for myself. Rather than fill my time like I normally do, I needed to cancel plans and say no to other things that came up. My brain needed a break and my soul needed rest. I had nothing left beyond what was within these 4 walls and THAT IS OK. I needed quiet and quiet is not something in this world that will happen unless you make it happen. Technology, as you all know is set up in such a way that you can be accessible 24/7 through phone calls, text, social media. I had to silence it. I had to put it in another room and walk away. Not because anything bad was happening but because my brain didn’t need more stimulation. I made my dinner and I sat with the novel I wanted to finish, and I soaked in the quiet. I went to bed early and I let my brain and my body rest. Who goes to bed without charging their devices? How much more important are you than your devices? Fire wives, find your sweet spot in those long shifts but also practice good self-care, recharge your battery. And when the day weighs heavy, give it to Jesus. He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7) Allow your mind, body, and soul to rest. Even though we need to do a lot when the shifts are long, we don’t have to do it all and we don’t have to carry it alone. Have a blessed day.