This is what I know…
When your 11 year old asks you to go to the bookfair, you go. Why? Because it’s your babies last year of elementary school and these opportunities will not be present in middle school. That’s how I felt last week as I raced to the school. Everything seems bittersweet thus far this school year. Last fall bookfair, last open house, last year it will be socially appropriate for me to go to the bus stop, soon it will be the last Turkey Trot, the last school concert… Saturday morning I dropped a 13- and 15-year-old off for a full day retreat with their youth group and I thought, next year my baby will be going too. He is coming to the end of all things little kid and moving on to all things tween and pre-teen. My saving grace here is that he’s developmentally a little behind his peers. I can still hold on a little longer, while some parents are already starting to feel their 5th graders pushing them away. I know because I’ve been there, twice, and it’s so stinking hard each time, but when it’s your last, and the last time you’ll go through it, it just makes you ache a little inside.
So all day Saturday, I held on. We had a complete mommy and Logan day. A pancake breakfast, karate, library, farmer’s market, mini golf, arcade, ice cream for lunch, an afternoon movie in the living room, a walk along the seawall, and a special dinner. At the end of our time out of the house together, I looked at him and told him that this can go down as one of my favorite days. It’s not because of the things we got to do, it’s because we were together, we weren’t rushed, and there was no time limit or other agenda. So often I take my kids to do something and I’m thinking about the next thing or stuck in my head about how I’m going to get it all done, when those other things probably don’t even matter that much. The laundry will still be there tomorrow, so will the dishes, the emails, the bills, the phone calls, the texts, it will all be there. But my little loves will just keep growing up on me.
There are so many things in this life that we can regret. Taking the time for the people who matter will never be one of them. But when I am rushing, using my time poorly, am impatient, disorganized, tired, hangry, etc.- then I stop thinking well, my words are not kind, my tone is harsh, and not only am I full of regrets but I miss out on the blessings God has for me in those moments when I don’t choose love. This week, I am choosing love. Each morning I am waking up and choosing love. I am choosing love when I am talking, when I am listening, and when I am responding. I am choosing love before I go to bed at night. I am choosing love at all the moments in between. And it’s not because I had a fantastic day with one child. It’s because I had an epic fail with another child later on. You know those moments, when you are full of regrets and think things like, “I’m a terrible mom.” But then I went to church in the morning and from my pew I heard forgiveness and love preached and I remembered that in that epic fail, God’s not done with me. He loves me and he forgives me. He loves me when I have a great day with one kid. He loves and forgives me when I fail with another. And I am reminded that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Romans 8:1). His love for me is greater than my failings and sins. And my love for him makes me want to do better next time. So instead of lingering on all the what ifs of the failure, I have chosen love and to rest easy in my savior’s arms and to let him carry the burden because it is too heavy for me.
What kind of day or weekend have you had? Do you need to hand anything over to God? Do you need prayer? I would love to pray for you. Leave me a comment or send me a message.
Thank you for reading!
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