Hello blog world. We have been back from vacation for about 4 weeks now, and I kid you not, we landed and real life started happening as soon as we put on our phones back on in Boston. We were fast and furious thrown back into real life, I’m talking 0-60 legit lackadaisical vacation mode to fast and furious-BAM!!! We had a wonderful 11 days of vacation, mostly wonderful-we of course needed an adjustment period of all being together 24/7 on a cruise ship in a small room, but we survived the bumpy patch without anyone getting thrown overboard-can I get an Amen?

I mean, I knew real life was going to happen,-but so fast and so soon-that caught me off guard. We got home to a flat tire, getting everyone back on schedule for work and school, and a non stop week of scheduled overtime and forced holds at the station. I maintained my job in full time 24/7 no break in sight mommy mode. I did my best to maintain my patience and keep a relaxed state of mind. But by the end of 110 hour stretch I lamented how bone tired I was.

Like I have mentioned before-I struggle with some chronic fatigue type stuff and over the years have recovered from adrenal fatigue-this kind of bone tired is different. In adrenal fatigue I couldn’t get out of bed and had no desire to do so. I thank God that this is not a regular state of my life anymore. Bone tired hits me like a truck sometimes though and while I push through the tired and do all the stuff I need to do-I feel like at any moment I could close my eyes for a happy nappy. This bone tired has been pretty consistent since we got home. This bone tired was completely absent from our vacation. This leads me to believe that I am allergic to home and need to vacation 24/7! Wouldn’t that be lovely? Actually, this has lead me to believe that perhaps I’m not living with a chronic fatigue issue but rather that fatigue perhaps is my body’s response to stress. This sounds kind of wonky-like, what am I so stressed about daily? But what if this is my body asking me to slow down and breathe? What if just the busy day to day and all the busy thoughts in this thinkers brain is enough to illicit a stress response like fatigue? My brain is busy, constantly! I just listened to a pod cast on thinking about our thoughts and I’m kind of curious about that now, like what if I wrote down each thought I had each day. I’m sure there are some thoughts I am not even aware of, but they must make me tired!

From a person who has recovered from adrenal fatigue I know that self care is super important, and I’ve wrote about that before. But honestly, before vacation, I was not doing a good job at self care. And I felt it! But now that I’m home and had those 11 glorious days of fresh air and sunshine(mostly), I have been reflecting on life-vacation gave me some perspective. Costa Maya was beautiful. Cozumel was incredible-learning about Mayan culture, visiting the ruins, eating delicious local cuisine. Honduras was breathtaking in many ways; the lush green landscape above the crystal blue water, playing with monkeys, sloths, and iguanas… But also the poverty we saw in all those places was eye opening.  Stray dogs roaming the streets, women washing laundry in basins outside a tiny rundown house. Oh, how I take this life of mine for granted. But, oh how this all makes me want to simplify, count my blessings, and make some changes. This trip made me want to live differently.

I watched our tour guides, shop keepers, the locals and I can’t help but wonder about the simplicity of their lives. These hard working men and women depend on tourism for their income, that’s their livelihood. Now I didn’t have personal conversations with them so I’m just thinking out loud here-but I wonder- do they work to live rather than live to work as we have become accustomed to here in America? Do they go home at the end of the day to constant rushing around or is dinner time more sacred, a time to break bread with family and friends? I wonder if they feel the stress and pressure to multi-task as we do.

Nobody gets out of this life alive, so why do we take this life so seriously anyway? What am I focusing on all day? What’s got my attention? What do I do with my time? How do I treat my people? Am I doing anything at all to make a difference outside of my comfortable little bubble? Am I doing anything at all to make a difference inside my comfortable little bubble or on a daily basis am I just going through the motions and just surviving instead of thriving?

I’m tired. I’m tired of living like I can’t breathe. I’m tired of rushing and busy. I’m tired of shallow friendships because there is no time to build stronger bonds. I’m tired of anxiety and fear dictating my daily decisions. I’m tired of always looking to the next thing and not living in the moment. I’m tired of waiting until later. I’m tired of stress. I want more out of this life-we all should. God wants more for us. He has a great purpose and a plan for each of us. I need to be still enough to listen. I need to have enough trust to obey. I need only have faith as small as a mustard seed, but he will use that. I want Him to use me. A friend told me recently-in my failure- God will use anything for his good. My mind exploded, because in my failure, MY FAILURE, I realized, it wasn’t about me. My failure, my screw up actually helped someone else, because God will use anything for His good. So what now? I’m handing over control, stress, anxiety, fear, all of it, to the creator of the universe. I’m going to work on some things over here that He wants me to work on. And I’m definitely going to go on more vacations!