I am a creature of habit-most of us are. Most days my firefighter leaves for work before we all rise for the day and he kisses me goodbye. I always pray for his safety when he’s gone and thank God for protecting him when he is home-but most days go by without me thinking of the possibility of him being in danger. Most days the thought that he could be risking his life at any given moment never crosses my mind. Maybe it’s because we live in such a small town as opposed to a big city. But then there are days like today when I’m watching another funeral of another fallen firefighter on TV and I am fighting back the tears but I can’t look away either. I feel like it matters that I am watching it. It is like I am paying my respects to that family by watching. I pray for them, I cry with them. I can’t put myself in their shoes, but by all rights according to the nature of the profession, small town or big city, it could be us. I’m watching and looking for the wife, she is my age, looking for her children, 3 of them, just like mine…

I realized as I watched that funeral, just like all the ones I have watched in the ten years since my husband has been a firefighter, that I take for granted when he arrives home safely. But tomorrow is not promised for any of us, firefighter or not, and we could all stand to love others a little better. As a fire wife though, I have to be honest, thank God that I don’t spend my day in panic and fear. Thank God I am not sitting at home contemplating the worst case scenarios. Thank God that my every thought is not consumed by worry. What good would it do? It wouldn’t do anyone any good. In fact it would rob me of my joy. It would steal the present away from me. And truly it might even hurt my marriage and affect my parenting. And I don’t want any of that. I’m not saying that I have never lost sleep when a fire has been raging at night. I have stayed up on multiple occasions until I knew everyone was ok. But in the here and now, that is how I want to live, present and grateful, loving my people well.