Last week everybody sucked. Like everyone in an epic sucktastic way. A few days this week, everyone was amazing. Like everyone was amazing in epic way. And then yesterday and this morning everyone kind of went back to sucking again… Ya know I don’t mean that in an awful way right? Like sometimes we go through days when everything is sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, and other days… Well, just one totally minor mishap can just set the mood for everything to… suck. I so easily slip into that mindset of when one thing goes badly, everything follows suit. I think I have said before that I am an optimist for everyone but myself.
Anywho after a few amazing days this week, like my kids having great behavior, getting along and loving one another, doing their chores with a happy heart etc, yesterday 2 of them got into a beat down match that totally changed the tone around here. And I gotta tell you, I don’t like change, but we are in a season of change.
This season of change happens all the time, but when you have school aged kids, I noticed the transition time comes at the end of the school year as we close one chapter and begin the next. As we say goodbye to routine and hello to beach days, jammie days, pool days, staying up late, sleeping in, chaos. Before my kids started school, routine was a given every single day, weekdays, weekends, holidays, summer. Now that they are older, I am sure they feel the change of season as well.
This particular school year coming to a close for my family, signifies some big changes. My oldest, Christopher has 3 weeks of elementary school left. How did that even happen? He was just born yesterday. He has always been my little old man with an old soul. Suddenly I am looking at unused toys that once filled his days while I hear the constant dribble of his basketball outside. As I watch him shoot the ball from behind my sunglasses I notice the structure of his jaw and the shape of his face is a far cry from his younger self. He is no longer a baby sitting on my lap at story time, rather he is a handsome almost 12 year old getting ready to start middle school in just a few short months and I am just not ready for that change yet.
My middle guy Evan is going into 4th grade in the fall. A few weeks ago I was picking out books to read to his 3rd grade class and it hit me that it would probably be one of the last times I would get to do that because 4th and 5th grades really are all business. I’m not going to lie, I got a little choked up over that. Evan has always had the biggest, most playful imagination with his toys. He could rock independent play for hours or play with his brothers just as well. While his toys aren’t as untouched as Christopher’s, he has also traded in time with his army guys and legos for sports. Give him a football, basketball, or baseball and someone to play with and he is content for hours. Where did my baby go? Double digits are right around the corner and I am just not ready for that change yet.
Then there is my youngest Logan, well this guy… I feel like we have had to clip his wings this year, I mean really! Broken arm, rebroken arm, surgery. Someone asked the other day how many casts he has had, goodness I think we are on number 6 or 7? But he is finishing out first grade, he met all of his iep goals and he is just thriving, even with the broken arm. Second grade seems so much bigger than 1st grade, maybe because as a parent I have been there 2 times already, or maybe because I know his limitations and struggles. But he has persevered through everything since forever so I have no doubt he will continue to do so, but my baby is about to be 8 and go into 2nd grade and I am just not ready for that change yet.
So how does a person who doesn’t like change learn to embrace it? I can dislike change all I want, but it is not going to stop change from happening. Truth is, I am probably only making it harder on myself. I have been trying to step out of my comfort zone more lately and challenging myself to do things that I wouldn’t normally do. This week I spoke in front of a large group of women, not well, but I did it. I have also gone for walks this week by myself, when normally I wouldn’t go without a friend to chat with. God is always trying to do some kind of work in our lives, whether we think it is the right direction or not, it doesn’t really matter, His plans are always bigger and better than mine if I would just go with it, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel. And watching my kids get bigger and be more independent is totally out of my control. Thank God that they are growing and healthy! I guess instead of dragging my feet through these changes in this season, I can take the time and be more thankful that we are getting these milestones. Maybe if I cultivate more of an attitude of gratitude during this season of change, I will be able to focus more on the beauty of it. And even through all the messy days of beat down, drag out fights and tears, we have something beautiful here. We have each other. And even through the days that go smoothly, we still have each other.