I mentioned in my last post that I have been feeling lonely. My firefighter has been working a lot. In the past when he worked a lot I would get frustrated, but right now, in this season of life, I just miss him so much. Maybe I’m finally growing up and settling into this lifestyle, maybe it just took all those years to not be resentful of his time away but instead to be thankful that he has a job that he loves and it pays the bills. Not many people can say that, so in that we are very fortunate. And yes, I miss him because he is gone, but more so because I love him.
A few weeks ago people in California were living in uncertainty. Hour to hour, day to day, depending on which way the wind blew, these people did not know if they would have to leave their homes, these people did not know if they would lose their homes. My dad, my sister, and her family have been living in California for a few months now, and they were part of that uncertainty. While I spoke to my sister on the phone one day she told me of a firewife in California who’s husband had been gone for weeks fighting those fires. I can’t imagine being that firewife with a husband fighting wildfires, being concerned for his safety, and having very little communication with him because every minute is critical.
Once the danger was over, I forgot about that firewife. But in the last few days, that story popped into my head and brought me perspective. Right now, my firefighter is coming to the end of a 36 hour shift. I’ve talked to him on the phone several times, we have texted, he even answered my SOS text yesterday morning that read, “I either need you to come fix the sink or tell me how.” I got under the sink in crisis mode with a flash light and an allen wrench but I had no idea where to stick the thing, I only knew that this was the tool he uses when the garbage disposal is acting up. I stuck that wrench in every hole I saw, but I had no idea what to do with it once I stuck it in those places, no idea if the pipes were going to explode all over me or if I was going to get electrocuted, yes I realize I’m being dramatic. But man, was I ever thankful when I heard that ladder truck outside responding to my broken sink call. Most days, he’s only a phone call away.
On most 24 hour plus shifts, I take comfort in my alone time with a good sappy Hallmark movie, but it has occurred to me that perhaps these stories are feeding the fire of my lonely season. Our lives are not perfect, we go through messy times, but we are together, and God is good and faithful and true. I’m incredibly thankful for the work He is doing in my heart right now to teach me how to get through the tough days, because the tough days will always come. When I look back on those tough times, it has what has drawn my firefighter and I closer together. So if any fire wives are reading this and struggle with being alone, take comfort in this, being apart is hard, but it makes the times we are together even more valuable.