20170612_191324And just like that, we have a pre school graduate.

I want to say, I blinked and then he was all grown up, but there has not been a stage in my 5 year olds life that has been quick. This kid, my little love, has developed on no one’s time table but his own. I like control, and this has seriously made me CRAZY at times. It is funny how God uses our children to mold us and shape us into different people, because not only has Logan developed and changed in his 5 years, but Kenny and I have too.

Logan is our 3rd son, our grand finale. We didn’t find out the gender for our first two, we liked the idea of a surprise. I wanted our first to be a boy, and he was. I wanted our second to be a boy so our first would have a buddy, and he was. At our gender reveal uldtrasound, I was convinced we were having a girl and when the ultrasound tech told us we were having a boy, I looked at her, completely dumbfounded, and said, “where, show me where.” I remember thinking, no, I have two of those already, this is a girl. But a few months later, it was confirmed when we welcomed Logan Matthew Resnick into our world. Logan weighed in at 9 pounds, the first out of three that we weren’t afraid to hold, that kid came out looking sturdy with a head full of brown hair, long fingernails, and eye lashes you could see across a room. My five days in the hospital after my C-section had its ups and downs. I experienced more alone time with a new born as Kenny was home more with the other boys, that was interesting. I remember needing to get up out of bed after I nursed him to change his diaper, but with my incision I couldn’t lift myself up and hold my baby. I pressed the nurse call button a lot, it was my, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up help line. Around day 3 Logan couldn’t latch on to eat and he was getting so upset that he developed a fever. The next day we were told he was tongue tied pretty badly and that we would need to see a specialist to have it taken care of upon discharge.

After Logan had his tongue clipped, he started eating and never looked back, but yet, he still struggled to gain weight, even after being born at 9 pounds. We had weight checks almost every month for the first year of his life. Around the time of his first birthday, a friend from church called and expressed some concerns from observing him in the church nursery, that Logan wasn’t hitting milestones. Logan had just had a well visit and the doctor wasn’t concerned with anything so we figured everything was fine. He was easy and such a sweet love that we weren’t concerned.

It was true, Logan was developing slowly. He didn’t get his first tooth until about 14 months, didn’t walk until 22 months, at which point we really missed the bouncy but scoot he had taught himself to do, we dressed him as tigger one Halloween and he didn’t disappoint, that boy got some serious air on his scoots! But then by 2 years old, he still wasn’t talking. Our primary still was not concerned, and Kenny and I figured that our oldest monopolized so much time talking, that once he went to kindergarten, maybe Logan would have a chance to talk. Well Christopher was in kindergarten for nearly 6 months and Logan still wasn’t talking, so we began to work with early intervention. Slowly but surely, Logan started to develop some words, but we waited so long that we didn’t get much time with EI, but EI is such a wonderful organization, they began the process with our public school system to have him evaluated by the pre-school team.

By the time the pre-school team left our house on evaluation day, I knew we would be offered services for him because the only word he said to them was bye. This began my journey of letting go. My older boys never went to pre-school, they were home with me for the first 6 years od their lives. But by now it was evident that Logan needed help and it was our job to let go and make sure that he got what he needed.

So tears flooded my eyes today as I wrote thank you cards to his teachers today, two of them he has had for three years now. Three years, he is practically a professional at pre-school! I was overcome by emotion thinking of how far he has come in those three years. He went in to school non verbal in a substantially separate classroom setting. When he got upset, he would crawl into a ball, like one of those roley poley bugs. We laughed at iep meetings and conferences remembering those days when Logan would role into a ball and his teachers would pick him up, but he remained in the ball. Man he has made excellent progress, I’m getting choked up as I write this, not because he is my baby and he is going to kindergarten but because I am so in awe of how far he has come and I am so extremely grateful to our amazing pre-school team, who have been patient with us, have walked along side us, who have loved our child, have cheered for our child, and helped him grow to be the strong, smart, independent, and confident kid that he is today.

It has not been an easy journey for us. On top of his 3 full days at school and 1 half day, he goes to roughly 6 therapies during the school day as well as 2 private therapies that we have had him in for about 2 years now. We have switched dr’s from a family medicine dr to a developmental pediatrician. Last year we even went to a neurologist at Boston Children’s Hospital to rule out a diagnosis beyond developmental delays. There were a few months when we were pretty sure he had cerebral palsy and were just getting used to the label when his MRI came back as unremarkable. I cried and I thanked God.

We have had the pleasure of watching a non verbal child turn into a chatter box. . We have seen him struggle and we have seen him accomplish so much and come out on top. Our boy has a ways to go, but he has come a long way from where he was. At his last iep meeting, we were told that his speech is his greatest strength, what a blessing this was. And yesterday at his pre school party with his morning friends he got a beautiful award for Powerful Perseverance, for being determined and never giving up. Perseverance  is a word that has come up a lot over the years even  way back to  his days of EI, his therapists and teachers have commented that he perseveres through so much.

As I reflect on how much Logan has accomplished and how far he has come, I am filled with hope for his future. He is a smart, kind, loving, gentle, compassionate, cute, and funny little boy, that God has made, and though he has had struggles, God made him, he formed him in my womb, he knows him better than I do, he knows the number of hairs on his head, and God makes no mistakes. Logan is fearfully and wonderfully made. My sweet, sweet boy.